1.17.12
+plusses:
did a 30 minutes ‘yoga for dancers’ video
walked/ran for half an hour (completed Day 1 of the Get Running app)
did a 5 minute ‘yoga for abs’ video
ate two apples, a protein shake, a jello mousse, and a few veggie dishes from the dining hall, and 2 light string cheeses
-minuses:
ate 2 rice crispy treats and 5 chocolate chip cookies at the dining hall
[I can do better but the is overall pretty good. I worked out a lot more than normal and ate pretty well all the way until the very end of things. I probably should’ve had more substantial filling things.]
nothing easy is ever worth it
I’m ready. I think I’m finally ready to do it again.
(via thinnerthanher)
sometimes I feel like I will swallow myself whole with my foolishness and neuroses and never get to have the experiences or feelings that I frantically long to extract from my life.
the future feels bleak because I think that some things about me will never change.
probably because they are defective. probably because I am defective.
wanting to be thin is a frantic and futile attempt to have something that I like and know that others will like. nothing else is like that. I wish it was. I wish that I didn’t think like this or feel these kinds of horrid emotions.
I’m tired
I’m tired of feeling this unsatisfied
I’m tired of disliking 3/4 of my waking minutes
(Source: lamortalite, via bloodred-jam)
I don’t know what he wants from me
I don’t know what I should hide from him
sometimes I wonder if the darkness is illusory
I need to lose 20lbs
maybe then I’ll be happy
maybe
maybe
